Cracks in our grief make room for hope and new life
In the Lutheran church I attend, we are observing Lent. Since I was a boy, something has touched me deeply during mid-week and Sunday worship. Although I couldn’t articulate it as a young person, I’ve come to express it as this being a time of seeking deeper intimacy with the sacred. The Muslim tradition of Ramadan has also given me a framework during this time of year when I redirect my heart to that which gives my life meaning and purpose. Part of what I deal with during this time is an intentional reflection on grief. In my faith, I’ve come to experience that walking through my grief leads me to new possibilities and new life. During this time of year, it feels fitting that we observe such major religious traditions as Passover, Ramadan, Lent, and Easter that we are utilizing this time in our association’s life to reflect and search inward.
The members of this association care about their beloved ACPE. To be a member of the organization as a psychotherapist, educator, or clinical member means that you have engaged in life-changing transformational spiritual work. To have that work witnessed by mentors and colleagues in a committee appearance or peer review is feeling the heartbeat of our spiritual core.
I have the privilege of experiencing that deep care for ACPE through the work of the Board of Directors each month. From my first Board of Representatives meeting in 2013 to today, the passionate investment in the association’s health and well-being is manifest in careful listening and discernment. I have been deeply moved by the wisdom and love of each of our board members.
During the first three meetings of this year, the theme of grief emerged. As is true with grief, there were nuanced differences among board members about what they were grieving. Some felt the profound loss of the time and energy of a four-year merger process that ended in confusion. Some felt grief about the fundamental shift in how we do our work as spiritual caregivers. Everyone feels the sorrow of not being together.
Grief seems to be the water we’re swimming in these days. That grief is in tension with the rapid change happening around us. Therefore, ACPE’s Board of Directors charted a course for the spring to help us all live in that tension. That course begins with listening sessions, forming a strategy team to lead the board in an organizational self-study, and starting a strategic planning process.
In 2017, the association developed a shared strategic plan that has been realized. We are a larger, more complex organization than five short years ago. Our resources and membership are more robust than ever, but we’ve also experienced loss. We’ve not been together since before the pandemic began two years ago.
Living in the tension of grief and the rapidly changing dynamics around us, the Board and Professional Wellbeing Committee members are facilitating listening sessions during the next several weeks. The purpose of those sessions is to come together and do our collective change work. Wise words from an esteemed mentor echo in my mind around leading through change, “people don’t resist change; they resist loss.” Scientifically, we also know our brains are fundamentally wired to resist change. There is wisdom in our grief. Bring the particularities of your grief to the listening session. This is challenging work, but it is our work to do. We listen, don’t try and fix it, and let the wisdom emerge.
Rev. Shawn Mai, ACPE Certified Educator at Park Nicollet Methodist Hospital in St. Louis Park, MN, serves as Chair of the Board of Directors. He may be contacted at shawn.mai@parknicollet.com