Holy Moments
I stare off deep into the void that lays before me
I can't quite make out what comes next
Or what might be coming for me.
As I prepare to take the next step
That will carry me into the unknown
I replay a thousand moments in my mind
Moments of fear and trembling
Moments of power and strength
And I am reminded of so many things
A patient's mom who clings to two chaplains
In desperation that her daughter will not survive
And she doesn't.
A frail woman who is listening for direction from the universe
Who says that she loves me
A mother who reaches out to reclaim her faith
So she might share it with her son
A woman who fought through her injuries and care
Who held on to the slightest strand of hope
And found the strength to heal and to leave
A man who draws his whole family together
In a moment of sweet remembrance and poignant grief
A set of twins who came so close to taking their first breaths of air
Only to be turned away from this world
A couple whose love flows so fiercely
That it could only be contained by hospital nuptials
The hugs of joy as a patient prepares to leave their room for the final time
The hugs of desperation as a family says goodbye for the final time
The hands that reach out for comfort, hope, guidance,
And the most basic form of human connection
Six strangers who become family
Tears flowing from grief and pain
and the realization that we are not alone
Seeing another person
And being seen in return
These are not just the moments that fill the days and the nights
These are holy moments
When the spirit moves
And we catch a glimpse of a reality that cannot be seen with only our eyes
These are holy moments
When the spirit moves
And we get to feel the power of a moment
When two souls collide
In the presence of the Divine
And the impact resonates
Through tissue and bone
Through thought and feeling
These are holy moments
That compel me to turn back to the void
Take the step that scares me
Carrying with me the power
Scarcely contained within these moments
To search out more of these transformational, gut-wrenching, soul-soaring, energy-draining, life-giving
Holy moments
Seth Shaver served the last year as a resident in Parkland Hospital's CPE program in Dallas, Texas. Before that, he earned his Masters of Divinity from Abilene Christian University. Throughout his experience in CPE, Seth used his writings in processing his experiences and sharing his insights with others. He is currently pursuing further chaplain work while remaining in the Dallas area with his wife of 17 years.