A Reflection from the On-Call Room
He said, ‘Go out and stand on the mountain before the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.’ Now there was a great wind, so strong that it was splitting mountains and breaking rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of sheer silence. (1 Kings 19:11-12, NRSV)
I met God in the hospital last night In the great wind
Of a newborn baby’s breath, heralded by Brahms’ lullaby over the PA
Of a team providing CPR
Of the rush of people coming and going, blown from one place to another, perhaps unsure how they even landed here
In the earthquake
Of a family receiving utterly unexpected news Of shots fired and blows exchanged
Of the rubble left on the floor of the trauma room, strewn with discarded wrappers and strips of cloth
In the fire
Of love binding families and friends waiting in limbo Of hope lighting a flame deep within a weary heart
Of passionate people dedicated to making a better world
Burning through the aching bones and muscles of those finishing 12-hour shifts bringing healing in their very being
And in the still small voice
Of a quiet family gathered in the dark of a corner room
Beds and couches adorned with blankets and other items of comfort Food scattered across tables testifying to the length of their vigil Reminiscing
Laughing Crying
Watching Christmas movies And holding tight to each other
And to the last moments that remain.
Heidi Butler (she/her/hers) is a Chaplain Resident at Saint Francis Hospital in Hartford, Connecticut. She is a recent graduate of Yale Divinity School (M.Div ‘22) and a candidate for ordained ministry in the American Baptist Churches. She comes from a ministry family and grew up experiencing the Divine in story, art, and community.