Built to Endure

A recent meeting with a supervisee led us to the topic of resilience for the psychotherapist and it occurred to me that I have reframed that for myself spiritually as being “built to endure.” 

I find myself reflecting on memories of living on a small farm in my youth.  Ours was a simple yet hard lifestyle of making “do” with equipment that we had – keeping in mind the usefulness of particularly “dirty” jobs that required getting muddy or covered with dirt.  

The wheat grinder belt was sure to work its way off the wheel periodically and had to be convinced to move back into position with a high amount of elbow grease and tongue-biting. This was an important type of equipment that could not be substituted by another, and we understood that the entire job would make us look like ghosts due to the sweat and fine wheat power that would stick to every surface.

I remember my grandfather lengthening the lifespan of oil by filtering it with an old sieve to move it from one engine to another according to its function from the family car to the truck, truck to tractor, and then from tractor to mower.  The oil and the engines all had their part to play in the life cycle of the farm and I sometimes thought that there must have been magic in that process to make so many things work.

My father often relied on me to bring him the tools when he was working under a car in our garage, and I would frequently bring him vice grips when he had asked for channel-locks or the wrong size wrench which never went particularly well.  Yet I loved spending that time alone with him, smelling the gasoline and grease, and hearing him whistle to himself - cursing in colorful phrases when something wasn’t going his way.  

Being “built to endure” has been a blessing to me.  I make mistakes.  I get taken for granted.  People disappoint me and I am certain to disappoint them in return.  This acknowledgement of myself as the wheat grinder, the oil, the selection of hand tools in the garage means that the mess that I often find myself in is expected.  The job is going to be hard, the work is meaningful, and I have a role to play in that cycle.