A Time to Recharge
All of us need a certain amount of energy in order to remain healthy and functional. That amount varies person to person, yet all of us follow the same pattern. At about fifty percent capacity we feel “normal”, ready to take on the world, ready to fulfill all of our responsibilities, ready to enjoy the people we have around us and our family and friends. Above sixty percent and we feel on top of the world, ready to accept new challenges, ready to go explore life and to have new experiences. Below forty percent and we begin to function less well, we begin to discount ourselves and/or others, we begin to grasp for things that we think will keep us from losing even more energy, like a person near drowning reaching for a life preserver of any kind. Below twenty-five percent and we go into depression and/or high anxiety. And so forth.
So the key is to find those ways that renew you with energy, that recharge you, that slowly bring you back up to “normal”. Routines are wonderful that way, eating at least three healthy meals a day, getting at least sixty-four ounces of just water a day, getting between seven and nine hours of sleep each day, falling asleep around the same time and waking up around the same time. Certain foods recharge and renew you, especially what we label as comfort food (although watch the calories and carbohydrates!). Sunshine recharges most people. Clean air and circulating air renews most people. Touch is a key factor. Virginia Satir, one of the founders of Marriage and Family therapy, wrote that we need at least twelve skin on skin touches a day or else we fall into depression. We all are very different in what renews and recharges us. A friend of mine has to go to Florida every four to six weeks. Another friend of mine has to go to an Art Museum at least once a month. One of my ways is through music.
When our energy levels drop below forty percent we will begin to operate differently in the world. Sometimes that’s due to how our genetics have impacted the wiring of our brains. Sometimes that’s due to the people who were “the adults” we had in our early childhood years. Sometimes that’s due to experiences we’ve had along the way that taught us how to just survive when we could be thriving. When our energy drops below forty percent a person will become moody, cranky, extremely critical, or very withdrawn. It’s as if that person is aware that something is not “right” internally and so that person begins to go into fight or flight mode. Sometimes people will be driven, just blind to the damage they are doing with relationships because a project just HAS to be done a certain way. Sometimes a person will develop features of paranoia, just sure that others are holding something against them or in fact are out to get them. People stop reasoning when their energy level is lower than forty percent. They stop hearing the loving suggestions of those who deeply care about them. They stop sending loving suggestions to others or go into overdrive with a nurturing attitude that eventually makes others uncomfortable being around them.
And so after months of social isolation, a horribly divisive national election, fears about the pandemic, several weeks of very gloomy days during the darkest part of winter, snow and cold that overwhelmed us, finances that have taken a downturn for so many …..
Many of us now find ourselves with energy levels below forty percent. And it’s showing in a variety of ways! Most of us are aware of what we’re seeing in our loved ones and in our friends but we don’t know what to say to them or how to help them energize. Most of us are not aware that our families and friends are seeing such behavior in us and don’t know what to say to us or how to help us energize. My intent is not to drag each reader down even further into this whirlwind of energy sucking times. My intent is to attempt to explain what’s happening with us after having many, many people call me wanting to know about their worries from seeing the changes they are observing in their loved ones and friends.
Most of the world religions include stories of followers and disciples who leave their homes, their usual routines, and their security. For weeks if not years, they follow the teachers, the prophets, the masters who are only with them for a short time. Those they follow have ways to recharge and renew whether it is in meditation, going to the top of a mountain, or being away from people in the wilderness around them. The followers, however, usually aren’t so fortunate. We might expect that they were impacted in positive ways simply by being around the ones who become so important to their development and, to some extent, that is true. However … they weren’t around their families and other friends. They weren’t doing their usual routines and following their usual schedules. They were on long trips that were filled with many uncertainties: “where shall we sleep?”, “how shall we eat?”, “what shall we do once we get there?” Some became negative about nearly everything. Some were withdrawing. Some were very critical of other followers. In some cases they become publically critical of even those they followed.
We’re not so different. And we have to be careful that we don’t deplete ourselves, that we find ways of renewing and recharging, even after several months of social isolation in the midst of a pandemic. And we have to find ways of uplifting each other even when our loved ones and friends may be grouchy and exhibiting negative behavior traits. We all have them. They have certainly been on display in recent weeks. It’s time to focus on renewing and recharging. And it is time to ask others to forgive us for how we’ve treated them in recent days.
Forgiveness is a core theme in all of our religions of the world. Let’s turn this time into a season for forgiveness regarding what cranky loved ones may have said to us over these last months, what we may have said to others, and even forgiveness for ourselves.
And in the words of Mahatma Gandhi, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
Dr. P.T. Wilson is a Psychotherapist with ACPE and a Clinical Member of AAMFT. He serves as the senior pastor of the Danville United Methodist Church in Danville, IN. Indiana has licensed him in three areas which are Mental Health Counselor, Marriage and Family Therapist, and Social Worker. He is the past Chair of Certification of the Mid-West Region of AAPC. He is celebrating his twentieth year in directing a Pastoral Care Specialist program in Indiana.